My mother was about to give me the sex talk—complete with a metaphor about jamming a key into a keyhole—when I quickly stopped her, telling her I already knew all that there was to know. She didn’t question how I figured it all out.

As a child, church had a big influence on my ideas about sex. I thought sex was an unenjoyable act that only married couples were allowed to engage in. And if you dared to have premarital sex, God would smite you and your ancestors by striking you down with lightening.

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That was in stark contrast to what television was telling me. By the time our parents work up the courage to give us “the talk,” teens have already seen years’ worth of television depicting sex as something where everybody looks hot, acts smooth, and has an orgasm practically on command. While teen sex on TV is sometimes in the context of a relationship, more often it’s a casual encounter.

Producers and directors claim to show teen sex that realistically represents our sexually active age group. But the message they’re sending—that everyone is doing it—is far from the truth. A survey done by the Centers for Disease Control in 2011 revealed that 42% of unmarried teenagers between the ages of 15 to 19 have had sex. That means a majority of teens, 58%, have never had sex—something not reflected in popular teen shows.

What does all this do to an audience of impressionable, vulnerable teenagers? It’s a lot of pressure, for one. A research study by the RAND Corporation revealed that teens who watch television with a lot of sexual content are more likely to have intercourse the following year.

Sex scenes involving teens may be common these days, but they seldom helps teens understand relationships or take responsibility for their health. We all know the television shows we love are fiction, but seeing these depictions of sex constantly can cause viewers to think that TV sex is reality.

Take “Gossip Girl.” It’s infamous for wild sex scenes and scandal. It even promotes the show with ads that have the main characters half-naked and making out—some on the verge of ecstasy—with the acronym “OMFG” emblazoned across the images.

image by YC-Art Dept

Each sex scene is perfectly orchestrated; couples always moan loudly, proceeding to orgasm on cue. The reality isn’t always so pretty.

“The Vampire Diaries” is also scattered with sex scenes—some done in the heat of the moment and others as a next step in a couple’s relationship. Stefan and Elena (both high school students) have sex after she confesses her love for him. Damon and Rebekah, on the other hand, are older, but have a one-night stand after drinking shots in a bar.

In “Pretty Little Liars,” the biggest sex scene involves Aria, a student, and Ezra, an English teacher at her high school. While the two are involved in a relationship, Aria is still a minor. The show seems to make the statement that minor-adult relationships are OK—even if the adult is your teacher.

Television shows rarely include information about protected sex. I watched a few sex scenes from “Pretty Little Liars” and “The Vampire Diaries” and didn’t see the couples using or talking about condoms or any sort of birth control. However, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveal disturbing statistics about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Young people ages 15 to 24 comprise 25% of the sexually active population but make up half of all the new cases of STDs each year.

“Glee” has perhaps done the most to educate teens about sex. In one episode, Gwyneth Paltrow appears on the show as a sex education teacher, and though it was more comedic than informative, the producers tried. It also shows more positive sexual situations: the couples that engage in sex—one straight (Rachel and Finn) and one homosexual (Kurt and Blaine)—make the decision to do it for the first time in a committed, loving relationship.

In another episode, Kurt, who is homosexual, and his father have a very open and supportive talk about sex. It is rare to see a parent follow through with The Sex Talk on television, as it is usually used as a comedic device. Kurt’s father, however, was spot on: “…when you’re ready, I want you to use [sex] as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter.”

It’s important for teens to understand how comfortable (or uncomfortable) they feel about sex and what their limits are, and that’s something TV doesn’t often get into. We don’t often see TV characters who are emotionally prepared and practice safe sex.

Television should do a better job of showing teens ways to communicate honestly with their partner about their feelings, fears, and needs concerning sex. Talking about sex shouldn’t be a taboo. It might feel embarrassing, but it’s vital so both people know what exactly sex will mean to them in the relationship.